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"The One About Mathe..." No, I could not finish the Netflix Documentary.
The Facts
Matthew Perry died on 28 October 2023, at 54, from the acute effects of ketamine, with drowning as a secondary cause. He had been using ketamine legally, as a treatment for depression, before people around him began supplying it without proper medical care. In May 2026, the last of five people charged in connection with his death was sentenced.
Our Favorite Friend
When the Friends Reunion aired on HBO in 2021, it was a celebration. It was still peak COVID and and there were restrictions on household guests (and we were obviously being very careful) so my then boyfriend, sister and our dog, all cosied up, put fairy lights to set the mood, wore "Friends" t-shirts (Yes, I got us all matching tees) and got ready to watch the reunion.
Friends as a show, holds different meaning to everyone I know so this blog today is personal. To me, this show holds a lot of warmth and comfort. All characters in the show are so unique that it often becomes hard for us to choose when someone asks who is my favorite. Chandler though.... with his charm, wit, sarcasm and humor, somehow always made it to the top 1-2 for most people when we discussed favorites (Joey being the next, there have been polls conducted over the years and this seems consistent with the polls too).
Over the years, Friends was the first show I watch when I move to a new country, a new house, when I got a new TV or mobile or speaker or any device. It was something I held on to the comforting familiar when I had to put myself in a new situation. We watch it when we have dinner, when I have a long day, when I am tired, or even when I just want to relax. So needless to say, when I first saw Matthew Perry on the Friends Reunion, I was ......... yes, I do not have the words now, and I did not have the words then. When he expressed how he felt when he was shooting, it broke my heart. I guess I was just naive and only watched the show for what it was, never really looking up much about the actors behind it. So for me, it was a shock. Which I guess it was for a lot of people.
Not many people know this about me, but after I heard about Matthew Perry's death in October 2023, I just could not watch another episode of Friends. It was too painful to watch, knowing he was hurting so much inside while making us laugh. It almost felt guilty. I read his memoir Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, as soon as it released and I was already feeling his pain with addiction and loneliness and depression as I read the book. A part of me felt helpless, what can I do to tell him - he is amazing and that he is enough.
And that is the point. How do we help our friends or family when they are depressed or using substances to cope? After watching the documentary "The One With Matthew Perry" on Netflix, I could see how helpless his sister and his friends really felt. I did not manage to finish Part 3 of the documentary, it was too painful for me again to continue watching how he quietly struggled, got up, failed, and struggled again.
The quiet loop
Depression, loneliness and drinking or using rarely show up alone. They tend to feed one another in a loop:
Low mood makes reaching out feel like too much effort.
Pulling away deepens the loneliness.
Alcohol or substances numb the pain for a few hours.
The comedown, shame or hangover makes the mood worse, and the person withdraws further.
From the outside, this can look like someone who is "just busy", "a bit flaky" or "enjoying a few drinks". From the inside, it often feels like coping. That is why the people who love them matter so much: you may notice the loop before they can.
Seven simple ways to help
Reach out first, and keep reaching. A short text counts: "Thinking of you. No need to reply." People who are struggling often can't make the first move. Keep showing up even when replies are slow.
Name what you've noticed, gently. Use "I" and stick to what you've seen: "I've noticed you've seemed really low lately, and you've been drinking more. I'm worried about you." Then pause and let them talk.
Listen more than you fix. You don't need the right words. Being calm, curious and unshocked tells them it's safe to be honest with you.
Separate the person from the behaviour. Drinking or using is often a way of managing pain, not a character flaw. Ask about the pain underneath: "What's been feeling heavy?"
Make connection easy. Invite them to low-pressure things that don't revolve around alcohol: a walk, a meal, running an errand together. Loneliness eases through small, regular contact.
Encourage support, and offer to help with the first step. Suggest seeing a GP, counsellor or addiction service. Offer to lThe quiet loopook up options, sit with them while they call, or go with them to the first appointment.
Ask directly about safety. If they seem hopeless, ask plainly: "Are you thinking about ending your life?" Asking does not put the idea in their head. If they say yes, or if they are very intoxicated, unresponsive or mixing substances, don't leave them alone and get urgent help.
What tends not to help
Lecturing, labelling or ultimatums. "You're an alcoholic" or "Stop or I'm done" usually triggers shame and hiding, not change.
Raising it while they're drunk or high. Wait for a calmer, sober moment.
Covering for them. Making excuses, lying for them or supplying substances "so at least they're safe" can keep the loop going. Perry's story is a painful reminder of what enabling can cost.
Minimising. "Everyone feels down sometimes" or "Just cut back a bit" can leave them feeling unseen.
Doing it alone. You are not meant to be their therapist or their only lifeline.
Look after yourself too
Supporting someone through depression and substance use is draining, and it can go on for a long time. You can care deeply and still have limits.
Decide what you can realistically offer, and say it kindly: "I can't talk at 2am, but I'll call you every Sunday."
Talk to someone yourself, whether a friend, a counsellor or a caregiver support service.
Remember that their recovery is not yours to carry. You can open the door; walking through it is their step.
If you grew up being the responsible one, this may feel especially hard. Your wellbeing matters here too.
And if this post has reminded you of the show, well, this is something I saw (not curated by me), so if you would like to honor Chandler and Matthew Perry by watching more of the show and his death anniversary, you may watch some of these episodes :')
If this resonated with you feel free to share it with someone that might also connect. Love, C
About the author: Chitra is a Singapore-based Counsellor, Psychotherapist and Founder of Liminal Mind Counselling. She works with adults using EMDR, CBT and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy with a trauma and attachment based lens, drawing on over a decade of prior experience in HR and organisational psychology.
If you would like to talk about your triggers, please reach out to me at chitra@liminalmindcounselling.com, WhatsApp at +65 8829 9343 or book an appointment via the appointment booking system on the website. We offer online and in-person counselling sessions in Singapore.
If you need urgent assistance, please reach out to your nearest hospital or you may reach out to the following helplines -
National Mindline 1771: 24/7 mental health support (Call 1771, WhatsApp 6669 1771, or via mindline.sg).
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS): 24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention at 1-767 or WhatsApp 9151 1767.
Institute of Mental Health (IMH) Helpline: 6389 2222 (24/7).
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