It's Only October: Why Does the Year-End Feel So Heavy?

Christmas Decorations already up at Tampines at one of the stores

Somehow, it's October already.

I was at Tampines to collect my glasses from one of the opticians and on the way out, I saw this. While for some, this can be exciting and a slow period coming up, for some others (myself included this time for some reason), it can bring about some feelings of dread.

Not to be the Grinch of the party, but...the malls are dressing up for the festive season, the group chats are asking "so what are your plans for December?", and quietly, a pressure starts to build. The pressure to host. To travel. To have something to show for the year, or at least something to post about how it ends.

And if you're anything like me, there's a small voice underneath it all saying: "No...I don't have any plans...and I still don't feel like I'm holding it all together!"

If that's you too, you're not behind. You're tired. Those are different things.

Why the year-end feels like a deadline

The end of the year carries an invisible finish line. We look back and count, what we achieved, what we didn't, who we lost touch with, what we promised ourselves in January. Add to that the expectations of family, friends, work, and a steady stream of ads telling us what a "perfect" holiday looks like, and it's no wonder the last few months can feel more like an exam than a celebration.

Here are a few gentle ways to loosen that grip.

1. Give yourself permission to slow down

You don't have to sprint to December. We still have Halloween this weekend, there is Deepavali coming up, there is still time for Christmas and New Year! Slowing down isn't falling behind. It's giving your body and mind a chance to catch up with everything this year has asked of you. Leave some empty space in your calendar on purpose. Rest counts as a plan.

2. Choose what actually matters to you

Not every invitation needs a yes. Not every tradition needs to happen this year. Ask yourself: what are the one or two things that would genuinely feel meaningful? Maybe it's a quiet dinner with a few people you love. Maybe it's staying home. Maybe lets skip the year end hectic travels if we can. Let the rest be optional.

3. Ask how you want to end the year, not how you're expected to

There's a difference between "what should I be doing?" and "how do I want to feel?" Try finishing this sentence: I'd like to end this year feeling… Rested? Connected? Proud? Let that answer guide your choices, rather than other people's expectations.

4. Don't let the marketing set your standard!!

Of course they do!

This one gets the most to me. Some days I roll my eyes at the perfect table setting, the dream getaway, the gift that says it all: these are designed to make us feel like we're missing something. You're not. A good year-end doesn't need to be bought, booked or photographed. It just needs to feel like yours.

A gentle reminder

You don't have to tie up the year with a neat bow. Some years we finish strong, and some years we simply finish. Both are enough.

If the pressure this season is stirring up more than you expected (old family dynamics, loneliness, or plain exhaustion), you don't have to sort through it alone. I'm here when you're ready.

Love,

C

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About the author: Chitra is a Singapore-based Counsellor, Psychotherapist and Founder of Liminal Mind Counselling. She works with adults using EMDR, CBT and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy with a trauma and attachment based lens, drawing on over a decade of prior experience in HR and organisational psychology.

If you would like to talk about your triggers, please reach out to me at chitra@liminalmindcounselling.com, WhatsApp at +65 8829 9343 or book an appointment via the appointment booking system on the website. We offer online and in-person counselling sessions in Singapore.

If you need urgent assistance, please reach out to your nearest hospital or you may reach out to the following helplines -

• National Mindline 1771: 24/7 mental health support (Call 1771, WhatsApp 6669 1771, or via mindline.sg).

• Samaritans of Singapore (SOS): 24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention at 1-767 or WhatsApp 9151 1767.

• Institute of Mental Health (IMH) Helpline: 6389 2222 (24/7).