A Mother's Day Letter For the Pet Mums: Who Speak A Language Only You Two Know.

This weekend is Mother's Day. I'm sure I do not need to remind you, there are enough marketing campaigns going around to tell you that. I don't have children, but I do have a dog. Sherlock is a 7-year-old Border Collie - high energy, clingy, too smart for his own good, demanding, and absolutely loving. If you know the breed, you already understand. And to him, I am his Mother.

I'm not writing this to tell you how wonderful he is (every pet parent thinks their pet is the best, and honestly, you're all right!). I'm writing this because five days ago, I almost lost him.

Sherlock has idiopathic epilepsy, a condition that causes random, uncontrolled seizures. He's been on anti-epileptic medication since he was five, and in the time since, his doses have only gone up while his condition has remained difficult to manage. We've known that dogs with epilepsy often have shorter lives. But knowing something in your head and being prepared for it in your heart are two very different things. I've lost pets before, and I mean this: nothing - not age, not time, not prior loss - NOTHING fully prepares you for the moment you might lose them.

Sherlock, my 7 year old Baby Boy.

Cherish the Time We Have

It is an unfortunate tenet of life that our pets' lives are shorter than ours, and there is nothing we can do to change that. What we can do though, is hold that truth gently and let it make us more present. Cherish their lives while we have them.

Pet Mums, We see you

To every pet mum who is raising her fur-baby as her child - understanding every need without a single shared word, communicating through eye contact and the non-verbal cues they've trained you to read (No, that was not a typo. Yes, they've trained us - anyone with a pet knows exactly what I mean) - we see you. We love you for what you give them, and just know they feel every bit of it.

And to the pet mums who are grieving - we see you too. Your sacrifices did not go unnoticed. You were there through the good days and the hard ones, and your love meant everything to them. You did everything you could for them and you were their world. The size of the void they leave behind is only a reflection of how fully you showed up for them.

In his true element!

If You're Navigating Pet Loss Grief

Grief for a pet is real grief, and it deserves to be treated that way. Here are a few gentle reminders for anyone walking through it:

• Let yourself feel it. It is completely normal to grieve the loss of a pet. You don't need to justify or minimise it.

• Talk about it. Share what you're going through with friends, family, or a support group who understand pet loss.

• Don't rush yourself. It's okay to say their name. It's okay to leave their bowl or their toys out for as long as you need to.

• Create something to hold onto. A photo album, a small memorial corner in your home, or even a journal of your favourite memories together.

• Honour them. Celebrate your pet's life by returning to the happy moments - not just the loss.

• Find your people. Local or online support groups can be a quiet comfort when the grief feels isolating.

• Take care of yourself. Eat well, rest, move your body. Grief is physically exhausting, and you matter too.

• Write it down. Keeping a journal can help process feelings that are hard to say out loud.

• Use creative outlets. Art, music, even cooking - whatever gives your emotions somewhere to go.

• Seek professional support if you need it. A therapist who specialises in pet loss is a valid and worthy choice. There is no threshold of grief you need to reach before asking for help.
  

Something I did for Sherlock and For Me

While my journey with Sherlock is still uncertain, one thing I did recently was get a professional photoshoot done with him. I love having photographs around the house, and I realised that even after seven years together, I didn't have a single one of him up - as always, life had gotten in the way. Of course, my phone camera roll is full of photos with and of him, but having high-resolution, properly taken photographs felt like something different. Something I could hold onto, something I could put up. And while it was later than I would have liked to have them taken, I am so glad I did when I had the chance!

A professional photo-shoot with Sherlock to have nicely edited images I can frame.

This Mother's Day

So this Mother's Day, allow yourself some peace. You have always done the best you can, and you are continuing to do so. That's all that matters to your fur-child — and it's more than enough.

Love,

C

📸 Photo Credits: VH Companion Pet Photography. https://www.vhcompanion.com/

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Chitra is a Singapore-based Counsellor and Psychotherapist. If you would like to talk about your recent pet-loss or are experiencing anticipatory grief (sometimes the thought of losing our pet itself feels like a lot), please reach out to us at chitra@liminalmindcounselling.com or WhatsApp us at +65 8829 9343 for appointment. We offer online and in-person counselling sessions in Singapore. If you need urgent assistance, please reach out to your nearest hospital or you may reach out to the following helplines - National Mindline 1771: 24/7 mental health support (Call 1771, WhatsApp 6669 1771, or via mindline.sg).

• Samaritans of Singapore (SOS): 24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention at 1-767 or WhatsApp 9151 1767.

• Institute of Mental Health (IMH) Helpline: 6389 2222 (24/7).